Nepenthe

 

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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Moving Toward Acceptance  
As much as I hate all the problems with L.A., I'm beginning to realize that I really *can't* live anywhere else. I am an L.A. woman. As much as I stick out here, I'd be a freakish oddity most anywhere else. Really, I can almost blend in here a lot of the time. If I really tried, I could totally blend in, but my psyche rebels when I try that.

I'm relearning to play the flute. I was really good at it, starting in 5th or 6th grade thru 8th. What happened was this. I started in elementary school and really enjoyed it. I'd had private piano lessons before and I continued with the same teacher when I switched to flute. When I started 7th grade, my junior high had an orchestra. But then we moved halfway through 7th grade. My new junior high had a marching band. A marching band! Oh, no. I didn't want that, I wanted orchestra. However, at this point, with our new mortgage, we had no money for private music lessons anymore and the flute wasn't paid off yet. So my dad insisted that as long as he was paying for it, I was going to play it. And, being the bull-headed person I am, I didn't try to make the best of it. No, no, I decided I'd show him. So I slouched through band, hating every minute and refusing to practice. I still managed to be quite good for a while, but eventually I came to associate those negative feelings with the flute itself. By the time I finished junior high, and the flute was paid for, I no longer had any interest in it. So, even though my high school did have an orchestra, I dropped music altogether. So I showed *who* exactly? Yeah.

So, now I'm trying to recapture it. I'm such an idiot sometimes. Fortunately, it is a bit like riding a bike, and I'm picking it up rather quickly. And my husband is very supportive, which helps immeasurably as I'm rather embarrassed about the whole thing.

On another note, I've decided to blackmail my mom. She's put on a lot of weight and become really unhealthy. I think she qualifies as obese at this point. She eats a lot of junk and doesn't exercise. She's got high blood pressure now, and who knows what else that she isn't telling me about. It's crazy because that isn't how we were raised. I don't know what happened. So, I'm putting my uterus on the table. One baby for one healthy mom. That's the deal. Grandkid or cheese puffs? It's her choice.

C'mon, dance for it!