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Friday, June 27, 2003

Ruminating  
I'm amazed at people who still know people from high school. My husband has friends he's known since elementary school. How can a married man in his 30s still have friends from before puberty? I've never been good at keeping in touch. The second you're out of my sight I start losing touch. I'm barely in touch while you're standing right in front of me and it only goes downhill from there.

I've tried keeping in touch. After high school I went to a community college part-time, taking evening classes after work. One day in the hall I ran into a couple of high school friends I hadn't seen in a long time. We swapped phone numbers, made plans, went out for dinner. We went out a second time, to a No Doubt show. When they dropped me off at home I said I'd call them. But even when I said it I knew it wasn't true. Not a lie exactly, just not true.

I wanted to mean it. I wanted to believe we could still be friends. But, apart, we had become too different. We no longer had any points of reference. The two of them had remained close, but I'd missed out on that shared history. I had nothing to contribute to their conversations about people they knew, things they'd done, places they'd gone, together, that I didn't share. And that's how it goes.