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Monday, June 02, 2003

Just A Little Soapy  
I do not believe marriages are supposed to last forever. I never expected my marriage to be until death. We chose vows that did not mention monogamy, forever, obey, or any other of the tropes that I dislike. Marriage is just like a business partnership, two people making an agreement to combine resources for a life project. A marriage that ends is not a failure. Everything ends.

I do not believe monogamy is necessary for a healthy relationship*. My marriage isn't strictly a contract for sexual access. Sex is for fun, procreation, and expressing intimacy (any one or combination of these). Sex is not for exercising power & control, like a dog marking its territory.

I do not believe divorce is inherently harmful to kids. Contrarily, divorce can sometimes be beneficial to them. What's detrimental is the palpable animosity between parents. Children need a safe environment in which to grow. Constant arguments, sudden attacks, or violence poison this environment. A child who doesn't feel safe at home will never feel safe as an adult.

*In large part, the basis for this belief is my concurrent belief that time is not linear. Time did not start and is not marching forward in a straight line to the finish. So, for me, there isn't a distinction between sex then and sex now. Before I met my husband I had sex with other people. That is not different from having sex with other people now. Since I wasn't a virgin when we met, he can't claim exclusive access. (However, I have refrained so far out of respect for his beliefs. We're presently discussing it, but I won't press the issue.)