Nepenthe

 

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Tuesday, December 03, 2002

Trudging Along With Muddy Feet  
This is difficult for me to type. I'm in the midst of another depression. It's probably not depression, actually, but rather dysthymia. I'm just focussing on continuing to follow my routines. Routines are very important to my recovery. There's no "cure" for my chronic depression. I just have to wait until it runs its course. The best analogy I've come up with is the movie "The Neverending Story". Anybody see it? Remember when Atrayu was going through the swamp with the unicorn? See, the deal with the swamp is that if you let the despair of it get to you then you'll stop, sink, and die. Atrayu and the unicorn are going through the swamp and the unicorn stops and won't move further. No matter how much the boy tries to motivate the unicorn to continue and not let the despair get to him, it doesn't work. The unicorn sinks and dies, so Atrayu continues on alone. That's a good example of depression. You have to just keep on keeping on or you'll sink. So right now I'm just forcing myself to do all the things I would usually do, even though they bring me little or no pleasure, because if I don't I'll just spiral further down. You know how it feels when you're in a swimming pool submerged up to your neck and it takes more effort to breathe? That's how I feel.